You may be a redneck pilot if:

* Your stall warning plays "Dixie".
* Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
* You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
* You've ever used moonshine as Avgas.
* You have mudflaps on your wheel pants.
* Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
* You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
* You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
* You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
* The side of your airplane has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
* You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
* You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
* You refer to formation flying as, "We got us a convoy".
* Your matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from the Piggly Wiggly.
* You have a black airplane with a big number 3 on the side.
* You've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.
* You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
* You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
* Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
* You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
* You siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.
* You've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.
* You've ground looped after hitting a cow.
* You consider anything over 100' AGL to be high altitude flight.
* There are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.
* You've never actually seen a sectional but have all of the Texaco road maps for your flying area.
* You answer all radio calls from females with, "That's a big 10-4 little darlin'".
* There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
* You have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.
* You use your parachute to cover your plane.
* You've ever landed on the main street of town to get a cup of coffee.
* You fly to family reunions to meet girls.
* You've won the "Barbed Wire" award at a spot landing contest.
* Some of your favorite navigation aids have things like "Seniors 96" hand painted on them.
* The tread pattern, if any, on your main tires doesn't match.
* Your primary comm. radio has 90 channels.
* You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
* You put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
* Your flight instructor's day job is at the community sales barn.
* You've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.
* There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
* There is a brown stained Styrofoam cup strategically placed in your glove box.
* The FAA still thinks you live at your parents house.
* You think Zulu is an African time zone.
* Your hanger collapses and more than 4 dogs are injured.
* Somewhere on your airplane is a "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.
* You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
* When you get to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
* You think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
* Just before the crash, everybody at the airport heard you say, " Hey, ya'll watch this!!".

BACK